Life in the country can be rather dramatic at times. There are just a lot of things that can happen in the country…things that don’t go on that much in the city. You never know from one minute to the next…it can be quiet…peaceful…then in the blink of an eye…you’ve got a major situation at hand.
I grew up on a ranch in Central Texas. It was a working ranch where we raised Angora goats and cattle. There were parts of the ranch that were only accessible by horseback. Most of the time we used horses to gather our goats and cattle and drive them to the nearest barn and corrals to attend to all their needs. Growing up on the ranch I had plenty of experience with all kinds of varmints. There were the usual armadillos, possums, raccoons, and squirrels then there were the occasional coyote, bobcat, and every once in a while a mountain lion.
But the most serious were poisonous snakes. They were always a concern. We had lots of Diamondback Rattlesnakes and Copperheads and you had to watch out. They could be anywhere. During the spring and summer months when we worked cattle and goats my dad would always check all the corrals and barns for snakes before they were used for the animals. He would warn us to watch for snakes and know that our horse could spook if we happened to run across one while riding. We often found poisonous snakes in our yard. They could be lying on the warm sidewalks or crawling just about anywhere in the yard. A couple of times one or another of our dogs would get bitten by a poisonous snake and we would have to rush to the vet.
When we moved out here to our place in the country one of my neighbors warned me to watch for Timber Rattlers. They are known in this part of Texas and they can be an aggressive snake if disturbed. One summer morning I noticed several of our cats sitting in the middle of the yard looking towards our house. This was strange…black and white cats sitting in a straight line looking at the house. I stepped out the back door and looked down to see a fairly good sized Timber Rattlesnake coiled by the back steps.
The cats I could see were not going to bother it…but the dogs…they hadn’t spotted it yet. I grabbed our three dogs and managed to get them in the house before they noticed the snake.
I started thinking…OK…what neighbor could I call to come kill this snake. I don’t like to kill snakes…but a Timber Rattler…taking up housekeeping under my porch or house…biting my dogs…biting me…nope it’s gotta go!
Even though I grew up in the country…my dad or two brothers were always around to take care of this situation. But I couldn’t think of anyone who would be at home this time of day.
Kim…my next door neighbor…about a quarter mile away…I knew she was home that morning and she had a gun! But then I remembered…she’s scared of earthworms! No way would she get near a snake!
Taking matters into my own hand I grabbed my cell phone and dialed JR in Florida to ask if his guns were loaded. You know I just can’t help myself! What was I thinking? I get myself into these situations on my own!
Now…I’m talking to a crazy person! Immediately he’s barking out orders like a military officer arranging a sniper shooting. He’s hollering at me to get the rifle and going through all the instructions of how to aim and shoot it!
Try to picture this in your mind…I’ve got a gun…a rifle…I’m trying to murder a poor unsuspecting snake that has wandered into our yard…while holding my cell phone with my shoulder conversing with a maniac on the other end screaming at me to shoot…
“I don’t hear you shooting…”
I had fired the gun and hit the snake…it wasn’t a fatal shot…the snake is mad…slithering across the yard…trying to get away. I’m feeling guilty because I only injured it. I threw the phone on the ground and went after the snake now in a huge flowerbed at the side of our house. I shot again and killed it.
JR has already questioned me on the phone…”How do you know it’s a rattlesnake? Have you ever even seen a rattlesnake?”
Oh my gosh…there is no way…I’m going to not take advantage of this.
Have I ever seen a rattlesnake…?
About ten or twelve years ago JR bought a new camera. It was a digital camera…the kind you had to plug in to the computer to see your photos. The camera was expensive…much more that what you pay today for a point and shoot digital. He bought it to use for his work.
I’ve mentioned…he does everything in a big way…he has no self control…he is overly indulgent. He had no idea how to use this camera and he’s not one to have the patience to read a manual and figure it out. But even though he never used it he took it with him to work every week.
Finally after months and maybe even a year…I convinced him to leave the camera at home. I had plans…big plans. I would learn how to use the camera and eventually talk him into letting me have it for myself. I got started right away…I read the manual from cover to cover and familiarized myself with every function of the camera.
I took that snake in the house…covered my kitchen counter in plastic wrap…stretched it out to measure …it was about 4 ½ feet long! I went and got JR’s camera and made photos.
Out in the yard I retrieved my cell phone…there were at least 15 calls from JR. Before I could even call he was calling me. He is wild…to say the least! Indignant that I hung up on him he’s shouting all sorts of accusations! Cursing…behaving like a crazy person…need I go on?
I calmly reminded him that I was trying to shoot the snake…explained to him that it is a little difficult since you need both hands…a little hard to carry on a conversation on a cell phone tucked beneath your ear and shoulder. He finally shut up when I reminded him that while I appreciated his coaching on how to shoot…that I am a much better shot than he is…and I don’t really need his direction on how to use a gun!
Also I informed him to check his email… I had successfully mastered taking a photo with his camera and I was sending pictures. JR is rather squeamish when it comes to snakes.
As a final retribution I coiled the snake…wrapped him in plastic wrap and put him in the freezer where I managed to keep him for at least five years. I derived a great amount of personal pleasure while watching JR searching the freezer for something to cook outside…invariably pick up that bag with the snake…unwrap it…and scare himself spitless!
Life in the country…is never dull!
Leah
