Chapter 7
Mother spoke with Daddy for a several minutes after he called her back to his hospital room before we left Comanche for the trip home to my house near Decatur on Sunday afternoon. She didn’t want to leave but she was consoled to some degree by telling her that Daddy was in a nice place with people caring for him and the reality that he had not much concept of time. I assured her that we would visit again soon probably the next weekend.
During the previous weeks Western Hills and Comanche County Medical Center were so good to keep in close touch with me regarding Daddy. They called frequently to ask questions about him or to update me on his condition. That made it much easier to deal with being so far away.
After returning home to Decatur on Sunday I was awakened the following Friday morning by a phone call about 7:30 A.M. It was the hospital calling to say that Daddy was dying. We needed to come if we could get there in time. After quickly calling Bob and Kay to ask them to go since we were hours away I called both my brothers to let them know the situation. At 7:43 I called the hospital back to let them know that Bob was on his way. They told me that he was already there but that Daddy had died. His doctor was with him and had tried unsuccessfully to resuscitate him. They were not aware that I had signed a DNR the day he was admitted to Western Hills just in case of this sort of medical emergency.
This news was shocking since his nurses had told us he seemed to be getting better each day. I called Quentin and Ric to tell them the news. JR came into my bedroom to question why I was on the phone so early in the morning. After talking to him for a few minutes the next thing would be to break the news to Mother.
For quite some time I have considered how I would feel about losing my parents. They were both getting up in years and it was just a matter of time before I would be faced with this situation. It surprised me not feeling so emotional about his death but rather a sense of relief. He was not the person I knew lying in the hospital and nursing home and it was hard to see this always vibrant person in that condition.
The mental message I sent to him when we visited at Western Hills after that first week came to mind…that it was OK for him to go…he did not have to live in that physical and mental condition. At that point there was no need to prolong his life for our sake…there was no quality of life and I knew that he wouldn’t want to live under these circumstances. My dad had always been a person of great faith and that made it easier to let go knowing that he would be in a better place.
His own father lingered in a horrible situation after a massive stroke left him in a semi-comatose state for 9 long years. Daddy would not have wanted that for himself or his family after the experience with his own Dad.
A change in my life remembering a sweet Daddy!
Taking a deep breath…I went to Mother’s room and woke her by sitting on the edge of her bed explaining to her exactly what had taken place in the last 30 minutes and that Daddy had died. She was emotional but took the news fairly well although she questioned why his nurses had told us he seemed to be getting better. Assuring her he was not alone…Bob and his doctor were both there with him during his last moments. I’m sure it was somewhat comforting for her to know that his doctor had tried to resuscitate him…she was not aware that a DNR was in place.
She got up and dressed while I made a few calls to the funeral home handling his arrangements. Mother and Daddy decided years ago they wanted to be cremated. During the past couple of years JR had dealt with the deaths of his daughter and his ex-wife’s husband and I had made all the arrangements for their cremation. I was prepared and experienced to know what I needed to do for Daddy.
It dawned on me to call my friend June to let her know about the situation. Making the call and telling her the news while standing at the window in my sun room. Someone was turning in our driveway.
She said, “I’m almost to your house. I’ll be right there!”
JR had called her…I don’t know whether it was the fact that he unsure about his capability to deal with my dad’s death, anticipating the possibility of two emotional old women, or most likely the fact that he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut and had to call someone. But nonetheless…June was here and came in to hear all the details of the morning.
Pouring her a cup of coffee we sat around our breakfast table in the sun room discussing the situation. Mother came in a few minutes later to join us while JR poured her a cup of coffee. Even with the eventful morning I thought to ask if anyone wanted some breakfast. Not much deters our family when it comes to food and we usually manage to arrange any situation or occasion to include a meal.
JR mentioned that we had Lemon Filled Angel Food Cake in the refrigerator. June thought that sounded like a really good breakfast…so we all sat around the kitchen table eating cake before 9:00 A.M. hashing over the events of the morning and even laughed a little bit remembering funny stories about our family and Daddy. He would have loved it!
<Start at the beginning
Remembering my dad
to be continued…
Chapter 6
The tragedy that led to the demise of Muella was not soon to be forgotten as Mother drove us all crazy looking for that cat. It seemed that every time we looked up Mother was outside calling for her dear departed kitty. JR would threaten to tell her the truth while I pleaded with him for the compassion to allow her to continue the search.
That fateful day of the buzzard incident we were in Denton at Wal-Mart when I received a call from the hospital. The night of the storm they had admitted Daddy to the hospital for observation and to continue to treat his UTI with intravenous antibiotics. The hospital was calling to speak with me about his condition and special Medicare programs for patients that are too sick for the nursing home but don’t need acute care. Of course I had to authorize this over the phone which involved a conference call with the hospital while I was in Wal-Mart shopping with Mother, JR, and Shelby.
Shopping at Wal-Mart in itself is a stressful situation but just imagine shopping with JR. I can hardly describe the experience…it’s not a pretty sight! JR makes a list at home and by the time we get to Wal-Mart he is so impatient and neurotic that he is always in the middle of an anxiety attack. I refuse to shop with him…he curses everyone he sees…runs into people with his cart…and goes down his list in order which puts him back and forth throughout the store. If I am with him he yells at me and makes such a fool of himself that I hope fear someone will just grab him up by the collar and beat the wicked and evil meanness right out of him!
So he must shop alone for the sake of my sanity. I get my own cart and go my way while he is calling out to me the items he will get and what I should get and where to meet him in the store. I usually just try to avoid him when I see him inside and meet him up by the cashiers when I am finished with my shopping.
But now add to this…Mother! She wanders around in a daze…I have to watch her all the time or she will not stay with me…and on top of all that…her bladder must be the size of a pea! If you mention the word bathroom, if she sees a restroom sign, or it just crosses her mind …she has to go.
Remember that I also have Shelby. She is very well behaved and never gives me any trouble, but this little girl has issues of her own. She has imaginary friends…they are blue aliens from Mars. Miss Angela and her daughters…Sally, Cassie, Katie, Marsha, and Plum often visit in their flying saucer. Sometimes they go with us to town and they were there in Wal-Mart with us that day. She is looking up in the air and pointing them out to me. She always carries around at least one or more stuffed animals from her abundant menagerie. She has them all named according to their gender…which only she knows.
They talk to her…and she will ask me something like, “Mimi, what did Fluffy say?” or if she’s talking to the aliens, “What did Miss Angela say, Mimi?”
She gets frustrated if you don’t have the correct answer. Far be it for me to know the answers to her questions…all I do know is its very distracting if you are trying to shop…especially with Mother and JR in Wal-Mart while participating in a conference call.
I imagine that the other shoppers are looking at me and probably assuming that we are a family with mental challenges and have come to town to shop! We are quite a colorful bunch…and to top it off on this day Shelby had been to see her neurologist and they had decked her out in a sparkly tiara, matching necklace and bracelet, with a magic wand to accessorize the ensemble. JR’s got his cap pulled down over his head and is in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack…Mother is wandering around like she’s lost…and Shelby dressed in all her finery is talking to imaginary aliens and asking me to participate in the conversation.
Daddy had been to the emergency room once and Mother was so mad that we didn’t just pick up and go right to Comanche that I had decided not to tell her he was in the hospital. She would insist that we go and I have other obligations besides Mother. So I thought it best that she not know and I would tell her at the appropriate time. It was pertinent that she not overhear any of the conversation of the conference call. I was having JR distract her so that I could talk on the phone to make the arrangement.
The next weekend we were planning to go to Comanche to see Daddy. I had to break the news that he was in the hospital. She took it pretty well because I only told her a couple of days before our trip and I didn’t mention that he had been there almost a week.
We made the trip and visited Daddy as soon as we arrived in Comanche. He looked a little better and was sitting up in a chair in his room. The hospital is very nice and he had a huge room with large windows and a pretty view of trees along with the countryside surrounding the hospital. He was somewhat alert and talked to us a little.
His nurse came in and he told her, “This is my wife but I can’t remember her name.”
I asked him if he could give me a smile and he gave me a big goofy grin. There was a little of his normal personality peeking through his state of mind. We stayed overnight and visited him a couple of times the next day. He was not doing as well that day and didn’t really talk to us. But as we told him goodbye and were walking out the door he called to Mother.
“Dotty…I love you!”
That thrilled Mother and as we were out in the hall at that point she turned around and went back in his room. I decided to stay out in the hall and let them share that moment privately. Little did I know at the time this was to be our last goodbye.
