We shared our life with our Basset Hound, Hoopty, for 14 years until 2010.  Hoopty was a delight and lived a long happy life out here in the country.  She was totally spoiled and we all miss her.

You see Basset Hounds are just so entertaining!  At times their long ears drag  the ground and they have huge feet.  Add  to that the most forlorn expressions coupled with big sad eyes.  They can be very playful for short periods of time but they really enjoy their sleep.  The little sweethearts love to cuddle and even when grown they consider themselves to be irresistible lap dogs.  Basically, they are just so cute that you can’t help but adore them at first sight!

This little bundle of preciousness is the newest member of our family!  Meet little Brisket…she is my Christmas present.

I have patiently awaited her arrival since Christmas Day and Jenna surprised me this morning.  Needless to say, Shelby and I have had a fun day with the new puppy!  She is 10 pounds of sweetness and while she spent a lot of time playing she spent another several hours cuddled up in a baby blanket taking a nap with us this afternoon and then right beside me on the sofa while I watched Monday night television.

Our other two dogs, Roscoe and Shadow, are a little inquisitive and while they have tolerated her they are still showing a bit of nonchalance about her presence.  Shadow didn’t seem to be annoyed when Brisket climbed in her bed and at this moment is peacefully asleep right next to her on the floor beside my computer.

Shelby was a little upset that she had to leave Brisket here tonight but tried to understand that she is my dog and will be staying at my house.  She is very gentle with Brisket and has definitely inherited her mom’s love for all animals.  She can’t wait to come tomorrow to play with little Brisket all day.

I was a little concerned about the fact this weekend is Sarah’s 4^th birthday party and I will have to leave little Brisket for a few hours.  Jason and Michele have a new home and would probably rather not have a leaky little puppy running through their house and Brisket would probably be overwhelmed at a barrage of kids vying for her attention.

Jenna’s quiet but sincere response was to remind me that…”Mom, I think she will be okay…she’s not a baby…she’s a dog.”

We had a big Thanksgiving and Christmas with friends and family.  Everyone came to our house and it was fun with all the little ones.  Five little girls all under the age of 5 running and playing all through the house!

There were many significant changes to my life during 2011.  I lost my dad in June, just a month after putting him in a nursing home.  He was at Western Hills in Comanche for only 2 weeks and in Comanche County Medical Center for 2 weeks before he died of complications from a urinary tract infection.  My mom is experiencing dementia and I brought her home to live with me which is an ongoing experience to say the least!

My brother, Quentin, and his wife, Susan, lost Susan’s mom, Virginia, in October of this year.  Virginia was a very vibrant person who loved to travel and was very involved with her family.  She became very ill in the late spring and early summer when she was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis.  Virginia had just returned from a trip to Italy with my niece, Ann, Quentin and Susan’s youngest daughter.  It was quite a shock for the entire family as none of us would have ever suspected that Virginia was ill with a terminal disease.  I loved having her join our entire family for any occasion.

At the first of November JR was not feeling well and I rushed him to Denton Regional Hospital as soon as I got home from Virginia’s funeral.  He had yet another abdominal aortic aneurysm and had an emergency surgery.  We had to wait a couple of days before surgery as he takes Coumadin to thin his blood.  This is his third aortic aneurysm after one AAA rupture and another thoracic aneurysm and aortic heart valve repair.  As his heart surgeon says… “You just can’t kill him!”  He’s like the Energizer Bunny…he just keeps going and going!  Of course his surgery with a new doctor,  as he had it done in Denton instead of Baylor, was a”JR moment” not soon to be forgotten…but that is a story for another time.

Then as a final blow to the year we lost Beth Renshaw in December.  Beth is Kent’s ex-wife and stepmom to my kids.  Beth was diagnosed with colon cancer about 2 ½ years ago and never got a break through several rounds of chemo and surgeries.  She and Kent have two precious kids, Lee, their son who is 19 a freshman at De Pauw University, and daughter, Loranne, who is a sophomore in the Plano ISD.  Beth was a 5^th grade teacher and was named Plano ISD Elementary School Teacher of the Year in 2009.  She was a very special person and teacher…much loved by all.

But with the  sad challenges…there are many good things that have happened during the year!

I’m going to be a grandmother, or Mimi…as my grandkids call me…again.  Amanda and Rob are expecting their second child in July.  We are excited that Rob has a new job…but it is in North Dakota.

Jason and Michele built a new home in Prosper.  It is beautiful and they are enjoying it with their girls.  For Christmas they bought me a ticket to go with Michele to a Neil Sperry Workshop in January which should be fun.

I am adding Lee and Loranne to our immediate family…well they have always been  a part of our extended family…they came with Beth to many gatherings…but I’m claiming them as my own…I just love these two kids!  We all had a fun time on Thanksgiving weekend when Beth decided to have a party with many of  her friends and family.  We went out in the country near Denison to her friend’s place for hot dogs and birthday cake to celebrate Lee’s birthday.  Then Lee and Loranne came to spend Christmas with us for our family Christmas.

Then to round out things around our house…in about 3 weeks I will be getting a new member of the family.  My precious daughter, Jenna, bought me a Basset Hound puppy for Christmas.  We had a Basset for 14 years and she was the delight of our family.  It has been a little quiet at our house the past year without Hoopty.  I’m thinking of names…Cupcake, Dumpling, or maybe Darlene…something appropriate for a female Basset Hound.

We are dog people…Jason has 2 Bassets…Noel and Samsonite (Sami) along with Michele’s dog, Becca.  Amanda has Shasta, a feisty little Pomeranian mix.  Jenna has her Doberman, Waylon, and her beagle mix, Bailey…we have Shadow, a Chow mix and Roscoe,  a Basset mix.  I will never forget the Christmas the kids brought all their dogs…if you can only imagine 7 dogs running through the house!  How times have changed…now my kids bring their kids and we  have 4 or 5 little kids running through the house laughing and screaming along with the barking dogs!

So… 2012 is off to an exciting start with many good things on the horizon!

Chapter 7

Mother spoke with Daddy for a several minutes after he called her back to his hospital room before we left Comanche for the trip home to my house near Decatur on Sunday afternoon.  She didn’t want to leave but she was consoled to some degree by telling her that Daddy was in a nice place with people caring for him and the reality that he had not much concept of time.  I assured her that we would visit again soon probably the next weekend.

During the previous weeks Western Hills and Comanche County Medical Center were so good to keep in close touch with me regarding Daddy.  They called frequently to ask questions about him or to update me on his condition.  That made it much easier to deal with being so far away.

After returning home to Decatur on Sunday I was awakened the following Friday morning by a phone call about 7:30 A.M.  It was the hospital calling to say that Daddy was dying.  We needed to come if we could get there in time.  After quickly calling Bob and Kay to ask them to go since we were hours away I called both my brothers to let them know the situation.  At 7:43 I called the hospital back to let them know that Bob was on his way.  They told me that he was already there but that Daddy had died.  His doctor was with him and had tried unsuccessfully to resuscitate him.  They were not aware that I had signed a DNR the day he was admitted to Western Hills just in case of this sort of medical emergency.

This news was shocking since his nurses had told us he seemed to be getting better each day.  I called Quentin and Ric to tell them the news.  JR came into my bedroom to question why I was on the phone so early in the morning.  After talking to him for a few minutes the next thing would be to break the news to Mother.

For quite some time I have considered how I would feel about losing my parents.  They were both getting up in years and it was just a matter of time before I would be faced with this situation.  It surprised me not feeling so emotional about his death but rather a sense of relief.  He was not the person I knew lying in the hospital and nursing home and it was hard to see this always vibrant person in that condition.

The mental message I sent to him when we visited at Western Hills after that first week came to mind…that it was OK for him to go…he did not have to live in that physical and mental condition.  At that point there was no need to prolong his life for our sake…there was no quality of life and I knew that he wouldn’t want to live under these circumstances.  My dad had always been a person of great faith and that made it easier to let go knowing that he would be in a better place.

His own father lingered in a horrible situation after a massive stroke left him in a semi-comatose state for 9 long years.  Daddy would not have wanted that for himself or his family after the experience with his own Dad.

A change in my life remembering a sweet Daddy!

Taking a deep breath…I went to Mother’s room and woke her by sitting on the edge of her bed explaining to her exactly what had taken place in the last 30 minutes and that Daddy had died.  She was emotional but took the news fairly well although she questioned why his nurses had told us he seemed to be getting better.  Assuring her he was not alone…Bob and his doctor were both there with him during his last moments.  I’m sure it was somewhat comforting for her to know that his doctor had tried to resuscitate him…she was not aware that a DNR was in place.

She got up and dressed while I made a few calls to the funeral home handling his arrangements.  Mother and Daddy decided years ago they wanted to be cremated.  During the past couple of years JR had dealt with the deaths of his daughter and his ex-wife’s husband and I had made all the arrangements for their cremation.  I was prepared and experienced to know what I needed to do for Daddy.

It dawned on me to call my friend June to let her know about the situation.  Making the call and telling her the news while standing at the window in my sun room.  Someone was turning in our driveway.

She said, “I’m almost to your house.  I’ll be right there!”

JR had called her…I don’t know whether it was the fact that he unsure about his capability to deal with my dad’s death, anticipating the possibility of two emotional old women, or most likely the fact that he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut and had to call someone.  But nonetheless…June was here and came in to hear all the details of the morning.

Pouring her a cup of coffee we sat around our breakfast table in the sun room discussing the situation.  Mother came in a few minutes later to join us while JR poured her a cup of coffee.  Even with the eventful morning I thought to ask if anyone wanted some breakfast.  Not much deters our family when it comes to food and we usually manage to arrange any situation or occasion to include a meal.

JR mentioned that we had Lemon Filled Angel Food Cake in the refrigerator.  June thought that sounded like a really good breakfast…so we all sat around the kitchen table eating cake before 9:00 A.M. hashing over the events of the morning and even laughed a little bit remembering funny stories about our family and Daddy.  He would have loved it!

 <Start at the beginning

Remembering my dad

to be continued…

Chapter 6

The tragedy that led to the demise of Muella was not soon to be forgotten as Mother drove us all crazy looking for that cat.  It seemed that every time we looked up Mother was outside calling for her dear departed kitty.  JR would threaten to tell her the truth while I pleaded with him for the compassion to allow her to continue the search.

That fateful day of the buzzard incident we were in Denton at Wal-Mart when I received a call from the hospital.  The night of the storm they had admitted Daddy to the hospital for observation and to continue to treat his UTI with intravenous antibiotics.  The hospital was calling to speak with me about his condition and special Medicare programs for patients that are too sick for the nursing home but don’t need acute care.  Of course I had to authorize this over the phone which involved a conference call with the hospital while I was in Wal-Mart shopping with Mother, JR, and Shelby.

Shopping at Wal-Mart in itself is a stressful situation but just imagine shopping with JR.  I can hardly describe the experience…it’s not a pretty sight!  JR makes a list at home and by the time we get to Wal-Mart he is so impatient and neurotic that he is always in the middle of an anxiety attack.  I refuse to shop with him…he curses everyone he sees…runs into people with his cart…and goes down his list in order which puts him back and forth throughout the store.  If I am with him he yells at me and makes such a fool of himself that I hope fear someone will just grab him up by the collar and beat the wicked and evil meanness right out of him!

So he must shop alone for the sake of my sanity.  I get my own cart and go my way while he is calling out to me the items he will get and what I should get and where to meet him in the store.  I usually just try to avoid him when I see him inside and meet him up by the cashiers when I am finished with my shopping.

But now add to this…Mother!  She wanders around in a daze…I have to watch her all the time or she will not stay with me…and on top of all that…her bladder must be the size of a pea!  If you mention the word bathroom, if she sees a restroom sign, or it just crosses her mind …she has to go.

Remember that I also have Shelby.  She is very well behaved and never gives me any trouble, but this little girl has issues of her own.  She has imaginary friends…they are blue aliens from Mars.  Miss Angela and her daughters…Sally, Cassie, Katie, Marsha, and Plum often visit in their flying saucer.  Sometimes they go with us to town and they were there in Wal-Mart with us that day.  She is looking up in the air and pointing them out to me.  She always carries around at least one or more stuffed animals from her abundant menagerie.  She has them all named according to their gender…which only she knows.

They talk to her…and she will ask me something like, “Mimi, what did Fluffy say?” or if she’s talking to the aliens, “What did Miss Angela say, Mimi?”

She gets frustrated if you don’t have the correct answer.  Far be it for me to know the answers to her questions…all I do know is its very distracting if you are trying to shop…especially with Mother and JR in Wal-Mart while participating in a conference call.

I imagine that the other shoppers are looking at me and probably assuming that we are a family with mental challenges and have come to town to shop!  We are quite a colorful bunch…and to top it off on this day Shelby had been to see her neurologist and they had decked her out in a sparkly tiara, matching necklace and bracelet, with a magic wand to accessorize the ensemble.  JR’s got his cap pulled down over his head and is in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack…Mother is wandering around like she’s lost…and Shelby dressed in all her finery is talking to imaginary aliens and asking me to participate in the conversation.

Daddy had been to the emergency room once and Mother was so mad that we didn’t just pick up and go right to Comanche that I had decided not to tell her he was in the hospital.  She would insist that we go and I have other obligations besides Mother.  So I thought it best that she not know and I would tell her at the appropriate time.  It was pertinent that she not overhear any of the conversation of the conference call.  I was having JR distract her so that I could talk on the phone to make the arrangement.

The next weekend we were planning to go to Comanche to see Daddy.  I had to break the news that he was in the hospital.  She took it pretty well because I only told her a couple of days before our trip and I didn’t mention that he had been there almost a week.

We made the trip and visited Daddy as soon as we arrived in Comanche.  He looked a little better and was sitting up in a chair in his room.  The hospital is very nice and he had a huge room with large windows and a pretty view of trees along with the countryside surrounding the hospital.  He was somewhat alert and talked to us a little.

His nurse came in and he told her, “This is my wife but I can’t remember her name.”

I asked him if he could give me a smile and he gave me a big goofy grin.  There was a little of his normal personality peeking through his state of mind.  We stayed overnight and visited him a couple of times the next day.  He was not doing as well that day and didn’t really talk to us.  But as we told him goodbye and were walking out the door he called to Mother.

“Dotty…I love you!”

That thrilled Mother and as we were out in the hall at that point she turned around and went back in his room.  I decided to stay out in the hall and let them share that moment privately.  Little did I know at the time this was to be our last goodbye.

<<< Start at the beginning

 On to Chapter 7 >>>

CHAPTER 5

Muella was the delight of Mother’s life even though she was sort of an outside cat.  She lived in their garage and liked hiding inside the storage closet.  Mother would open the garage door a little so Muella could go outside in the yard during the day.  She had wandered up to their house at the ranch out of nowhere as a very young cat.  She was afraid of people but she was hungry so Mother would put food out for her on the back porch.  Muella became friends with Mother although she seemed to be scared of men.  Now at probably 13 or 14 years old, she was Mother’s baby.

Just so that you all will know… we are animal lovers but the story I have to tell is a reality living in the country.

I was worried about bringing her to our house.  Our dogs love cats…but we have coyotes, bobcats, and our neighbors have seen numerous sightings of mountain lions near Denton Creek which runs very close to our home.  We live in the country and don’t have a garage or anywhere cool enough to for her to stay inside.  Our storage buildings are open and would be too hot for her to be closed up in during the summer.  I am allergic to cats and can’t have them inside.

When we got to my house I had decided that I could make Muella a home in our pump house.  It is insulated and stays cool during the summer with plenty of room and a walkway inside all around the pump and tanks.  I made her a comfortable bed of hay and dark place to hide in the back of the pump house along with food, water, and her litter box.  I told Mother she could let her out during the day when she grew accustomed to her new home.  During the next few days Mother consumed herself with going out to see Muella and would let her out of the pump house while she was outside.

Daddy had gone to a new doctor at Comanche hospital before being admitted to the nursing home, one that comes to see patients at Western Hills.  His new doctor told me that he wanted him to come back for a few tests the next week.  The doctor thought he might have a thyroid condition since he had a very low heart rate and was really lethargic but all the tests came back within the normal range.

Daddy was transported for a second trip to the hospital that week after his tests to the ER for undetermined pain.  He was diagnosed with a urinary tract infection that he probably had for quite some time.  They gave him antibiotics and sent him back to Western Hills.

The following weekend Mother and I made the trip back to Comanche to visit Daddy.  He did not look good to say the least!  Mother was upset and told me she wished we could just take him with us.  I spoke to the nursing staff and they told me he seemed to be having some pain but couldn’t tell them where…he would try to get up on his own to go to the bathroom and had fallen during the past week…they couldn’t get him to eat much and he didn’t even want to get out of bed.

The next day we went to see Daddy again before we left Comanche for home.  He was still very lethargic and only muttered a few words to Mother.  She didn’t seem to want to stay long so we left for home.  On the way home she really got angry with me because she wanted take him out of the nursing home.  No knowing what to do at that point I decided under the circumstances leaving him at Western Hills was the best we could do considering the situation.

Although I realized more and more everyday that Mother had problems of her own it was clear that she would never be able to live alone.  She kept on and on at me and resorted to throwing a crying fit about Daddy.  At this point I lost my patience with her and told her that if she had accepted my help at a much earlier point Daddy might not be in this situation that it was obvious that she hadn’t been taking care of him…she couldn’t even take care of herself.

I was at a loss to know what to do with little financial resources for his care and many other problems to handle with their personal business and needs.  Mother calmed down after our little talk and we settled in at home.

During her second week at our house Mother had decided that Muella could just stay outside and started leaving her out even at night.  I suggested several times she should put her in the pump house and just let her out during the day, but she’s accustomed to having her way.  Muella started climbing up on the wheel of our old truck that we rarely drive.  I specifically asked Mother if Muella ever climbed up under her car while she was in their garage and Mother said that she had not and didn’t seem concerned.

During this time we were having severe weather outbreaks here in North Texas and Comanche was having their share of weather warnings.  Our house doesn’t really have a good place to be during a tornado warning.  I have a neighbor and close friend, June, a few miles away with a much better place to ride out a storm.  If I have time I usually go there especially if Shelby is here at our house. One afternoon we were having particularly bad thunderstorms and tornado warnings were issued for many areas around us.  I grabbed Shelby and Mother and got them in Mother’s car so that we could make the run to June’s.

We had gone about a quarter of a mile when I heard a loud bump and looked in the rearview mirror to see an animal flopping about in the road.  My heart was beating wildly as I was almost sure this was Muella, she must have crawled up under the hood of Mother’s car.  I didn’t stop as the weather was getting worse by the moment and I didn’t want Mother to witness this if  it was her cat!

We got to June’s just before it started hailing and pouring rain. Wise County was under a tornado warning as was Comanche county.  My cell phone rang and it was JR asking if I had run over Muella.  He had jumped in our truck to go up the road to get a better view of the storm clouds and said he was sure that Muella was dead up on the road by our house.  I told him what had happened and asked him to please get her off the road before we got home.

No sooner than I ended the call with him than I got another call from Western Hills to tell me they were transporting Daddy back to the ER as he was still having issues with pain.  I called Bob to let him know and he and Kay insisted they would make the drive to the hospital which is several miles outside of Comanche on the DeLeon highway during the tornado warning.

JR was calling me with an update about the cat…Western Hills was calling about Daddy…I was calling my brothers to let them know about Daddy…all while June was doing her best to keep Mother occupied as I didn’t want her to hear all the conversations!

Murphy’s Law was certainly at work where we were concerned!  A dead cat…Daddy in the hospital…Bob, Kay, and Daddy all out on the road during a tornado warning…JR out in the hail and rain amid a tornado warning…was scraping what was left of Muella off the road.  How much more could I take?  How in the world was I going to explain all this to Mother?

Luckily it was dark as we made our way back home after the storm.  Mother tried calling out to Muella as soon as we got home.  She kept telling me that Muella was so afraid of storms.  I finally got her to come in the house that night but she was up early the next morning trying to find her cat.

The night of the storm I called one of Mother’s cousins who works with and has some experience dealing with elderly dementia patients.  She advised me to not tell Mother of the death of her cat since she would likely forget and keep asking me about her.  This would be a tragedy that she would have to experience each time she remembered.  She kindly suggested that I tell her that the cat was scared during the storm and probably ran to a neighbor’s and found a new home.  Mother went out numerous times during the next few days looking for Muella.

In the next day or two after the storm we decided to go to town for groceries and left the house.  As I drove up our road I noticed buzzards flying around near the scene of Muella’s demise.  Turning up the radio in the truck I hissed quietly through clenched teeth to JR sitting in the front passenger seat…”Please tell me what you did with that cat?”

Amid rolling eyes he whispered, “Well I intended to come back up here pick it up and bury it…but I forgot.”

Was it not enough that I killed the cat?  But to finish it off with this gory scenario…was I to laugh or cry…surely not everyone has such predicaments in their lives!  This entire incident was slowly turning into makings of a horror movie!  Just think about it…dark clouds…stormy weather…emergency trips to the hospital in the dark of night…Mother with dementia…husband with apparent problems…dead cat…and now…vultures!  Need I say more?

Later in the grocery store while Mother was preoccupied looking for something JR tried to explain that he had put the cat in the ditch beside the road as it would have made a mess in the back of the truck.  He hadn’t remembered to pick up Muella and bury her.  The night of the storm there was a good sized funnel cloud dangling close by our house as he shoveled the cat off the road.  He hadn’t entertained the thought of trying to dig a hole to bury the cat in the rocky fossil ridge on our land in the middle of a rain and hail storm with a tornado funnel lingering overhead.

I could only hope that on our return home Mother would not see any trace of her cat in the road.  My wish was granted!  The buzzards were perched on the fence posts guarding the small pile of bones at the edge of the pavement!

<<< Start at the beginning

On to Chapter 6 >>>

CHAPTER 4

Mother did come right back to the phone to tell me that Daddy had fallen in his very small bathroom.  There was lots of blood where he hit his head on the counter of the sink.  She was pretty shaken and wanted to go help him.  I made her promise me she would call 911 …unlock the doors for them…and then she could go back to Daddy…but not to move him and wait on the paramedics.

He did have to go to the emergency room and I convinced Mother to stay at home as they would surely keep him overnight.  They released him in the middle of the night and she ended up driving to the hospital after losing her car keys and not being able to find them for about two hours.  He had a big cut on his head with several stitches.

When Quentin and I finally arrived a few days later in Brownwood we didn’t know what to expect and wondered if Daddy would give us any trouble about what we were planning.  I had asked Mother to pack his bag with a few essentials and we would bring the rest over the weekend.

Mother and Daddy were sitting in the living room and everything looked pretty good at that point.  Of course we were talking to Daddy about his latest fall and looking at his injuries.  Mother didn’t remember to pack his bag.  We had a doctor’s appointment for Daddy at the Comanche hospital and were pressed for time so I ran to grab a few things for him.

When I saw the state of the rest of the house…needless to say…I was shocked.  No wonder she hadn’t packed a bag.  Mother always kept her house in good order….kitchen clean…beds made…laundry done…and everything picked up and put away throughout their home.  The living room looked good…she must have managed to keep it for home healthcare that came several days a week…but the rest of the house needed attention.  It was not dirty but very messy.  I could barely find enough clothes to take anything for Daddy.

I’m not telling you this to embarrass them…but I want those of you who might be in this situation to know what you might be facing.  I had repeatedly asked Mother if she needed help.  I had offered to come and bring them meals already cooked they could put in the freezer and warm up.  I mentioned that she might need me to come and help her clean her house but she insisted that she was fine and able to take care of those things.

I began to see the situation was far worse than I had imagined.  We got off to Comanche for the doctor’s appointment and on to Western Hills to admit Daddy.  At the nursing home…while I was signing my life away for Daddy’s care…Mother and Quentin were busy getting him settled in.  It wasn’t too bad…he was in the newer wing and it was in some respect a little homey…with a nice area to eat and watch TV.  It was clean and bright with some nice art on the walls.  His room was small and the area with his bed left a little to be desired…his roommate was not friendly.  Mother announced to me that she wasn’t happy at all with the situation and could not leave him there!

What did she think we were to do…?  I reminded her that she wanted him to be at Western Hills and that she couldn’t care for him at home.  After saying goodbye to Daddy and telling him we would be back the next day we went back to Brownwood.  Mother was not happy.  Quentin and I started cleaning house while Mother wandered around in a daze.  The more I saw her behavior the more I was beginning to understand there were problems I had not acknowledged in my ignorance.

We could see that Mother needed care just as much as Daddy.  I packed her car with boxes and boxes of old photographs and the important things that I knew I wanted to keep for our family along with her clothes and things she would need at my house.  Quentin and I spent the rest of the weekend working on the house until we were absolutely exhausted.  I washed at least 15 loads of clothes…I couldn’t tell what was clean and what needed to be washed… amid folding and putting away laundry…I cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms.

The more I worked the angrier I felt…that she did not tell me she needed help.  I could see that she was not “busy” she hadn’t done anything for a long time.  It was obvious to see at that point she couldn’t care for herself much less Daddy…not to speak of their home!  It was an appalling sight, to say the least, so out of character for Mother!

There were many strange things around the house…stacks of clothes heaped on the floor in their bedroom and closet.  Bottles of skin care and makeup without lids in the bathroom…lids off all her lipstick.  The kitchen was in disarray with clean dishes mixed in with dishes to be washed.  Food that needed to be in the refrigerator left out on the counter.  Lack of food to eat…it was obvious by the burned pots and pans she wasn’t able to cook.  What had they been eating?  Why hadn’t home health seen this and called me?  I knew she probably didn’t let them go anywhere but the living room.

My mother had become the master of deception and concealment.  I had a sickening feeling that I was just seeing the tip of an iceberg.

Quentin and I worked until late in the day on Saturday and got the house back into some order.  We decided we would not stay through Sunday and would head for home Saturday evening.  I was driving Mother’s car home so that she and I could drive back and forth to see Daddy…hopefully once a week.  We stopped by Western Hills to see Daddy on our way out of town.

He was in the dining area eating supper when we got there…sitting with several older men at a table.  We helped him get back to his room and he wanted to go to bed.  As we were saying our goodbyes…I leaned over to give him a kiss and told him we would be back next weekend.  He told me not to forget his Ben Green books he even told me where they were in the house.  Where did that come from?  This man who I wasn’t even sure was aware of what was happening to him to come up with this!  I really didn’t know if he even recognized me.

Ben Green was an old cowboy who became a vet and in his later years wrote several books about his life.  Daddy and my granddaddy knew him, Daddy had several signed editions of his books which throughout the years were his prized possessions.  I already had them packed in Mother’s car.

It was a very tearful goodbye for Mother.  She hated leaving him and she hated that she was going home with me.  I stopped by Bob and Kay’s, my uncle and aunt’s house before we left town to ask them to check on Daddy if they could and she wouldn’t even get out of the car.

We were not alone on our journey to North Texas…we had Muella, Mother’s cat in a carrier with us.  Muella has social issues and is scared of her own shadow…but she was like a child to Mother.  She lived in their garage and Mother was just obsessed with her.  I knew that I would have to bring her with us.  Muella did not like riding in the car…it scared the s___ out of her, quite literally.

Have you ever made a three hour road trip with that smell, a yowling cat…and a distraught Mother?  My patience was wearing thin…to put it bluntly!

Stay tuned for the next chapter of this saga…you won’t believe what is to come!

<<<Start at the beginning

On to Chapter 5 >>>

 CHAPTER 3

 When Mother told me about Daddy opening the front door to let someone in their house they didn’t know I promptly gave her a stern lecture of the evils that could befall them for such irresponsible behavior.  I should have saved my breath!

After regaining my composure I asked who were they and why did he let them in?  Mother’s answer was that she didn’t know but they had talked to them and had signed some papers.  Biting my tongue, I calmly asked…”What kind of papers did you sign?”  She told me that she wasn’t sure but she thought they were to change their Internet service.

Interesting…door to door Internet sales!  These are the people you read about or hear about… slaughtered in their own homes!  Are we going to see them on the news soon?  My parents who had lived on a remote ranch for 50+ years are now opening their doors in town to any stranger and letting them in the house.  Not to speak of signing papers!

I remember times when Daddy could hear a car or truck engine from miles away and would jump in his pickup to go see that no one was trespassing on the ranch.  What on earth was happening to these two?

Mother finally received a bill in the mail and gave me a phone number.  They had changed their electric service and signed a five year contract with high penalties for cancellation.

Now a couple of weeks later Mother is telling me …”You just don’t know what it’s like to wake up and see a strange vacuum cleaner in your room.  I don’t know where it came from or how it got there.”

I accessed their bank accounts online to find several drafts coming through their accounts each month.  After making a few phone calls I determined the source of the vacuum cleaner.     They bought a Kirby!  They let the Kirby people in the door, bought a $2600 vacuum cleaner, and didn’t even know it.  They signed the credit application and gave them information to draft their bank account with no clue to what they were doing.

Only to be followed by…a week or so later…”You know when we were talking last night, Duck told me that someone knocked on the front door.  He got up and answered the door and it was a woman wanting some money for gas.”  At 11:00 P.M.in the rain?  Oh, really?

Throughout the past months I had mentioned to her the possibility that we might need to put Daddy in the nursing home.  Maybe before he let in an ax murderer!  She didn’t pay much attention to me…but now…she was becoming so frustrated with him.  I could tell that she was exhausted and I was worried that she wasn’t able to care for him.  She did admit that she thought he might have to go at some point.  I called to find out the procedure and get some information.

Earlier this year she commented that he was going to have to go …she couldn’t stand it anymore.  I called again to make arrangements.  That night when I spoke to her on the phone for our nightly call I told her that we could take him.  She told me, “Well, not yet.  I can’t do that to him.”

It was evident at that point this was not going to be a simple task!  I went forward with my plans for a trip to Disney World with Jenna and Shelby in April.  We had barely checked in to our hotel when my phone rang and it was my uncle, Bob, my dad’s youngest brother, calling to discreetly mention that he was worried about Mother and Daddy.   He didn’t know I was out of town…but I assured him that was my priority when I returned.  We were going to have to make some important decisions upon my return and I would call him as soon as I got back home in a few days.

Returning from my trip…I began talking seriously with Mother about taking Daddy to the nursing home.  I could tell she was at the end of her rope!  She told me that she guessed it was time…she just didn’t know what to do with him.  I called Western Hills and made all the arrangements.  Quentin and Ric both agreed that Daddy needed care that we couldn’t give him.  So together we came up with the plan to go to Comanche and Brownwood to take charge of the situation.

That evening I called Mother.  I started off with the usual…”Well, how did your day go?”

She replied, “I am so mad at Duck…you just won’t believe what he did!  I just don’t know what I’m going to do with him.”

“Mother, what has happened now?”

She told me they had been sitting out on the patio where she was trying to talk to him telling him that he needed to get out of his chair and walk and try to get a little exercise so that he could get stronger.  She tried to reason with him that she could use a little help from him.  She said he picked up the water hose and squirted her in the face!

I asked…”Well, Mother, what did you do?”

She said, “I grabbed it out of his hand and squirted him!”

Even though I was hysterical at this point I tried to maintain my composure as I asked, “Mother did you get all wet?”

She said yes that she had to go in and change clothes.  I asked what about Daddy?  Did he get wet?  I was thinking about how long it took him to get dressed…did he have to change clothes?

She said, “No…he just went in grabbed a spoon and a big bowl of pudding that I had made for the both of us…sat down in his recliner in those wet clothes and ate the entire bowl without giving me a bite.”

I’m thinking if I only had a video of these shenanigans!  Then I started thinking of their neighbors…had anyone witnessed this?  Was I going to get phone calls for domestic violence at the home of my parents?

I was laughing and Mother got to laughing and we really had fun with this one!  If you only knew Duck and Dotty…evidently Daddy had enough of her and just thought he could shut her up by spraying her with water!  Now that she’s been living with me for several months…I can see where he was coming from!

Getting back to the situation, I told her I was working on and what we would need to do to get Daddy admitted to Western Hills.  We tentatively made plans to come in about 10 days around the middle of May.

Mother always talked to me from the phone in her office.  I knew that Ric and Linda had bought them a new cordless phone but they couldn’t use it.  Mother would always tell me that no it was not cordless…it just didn’t work right.  She could never figure out how to use a cell phone.  We all tried to show and teach her…but to no avail…they had one they carried around with them but they never used it.

A few nights later as we were talking on the phone, Mother told me she needed to go check on Daddy.  It was around 10 P.M. and he was in the shower…just a few days before we were to be there to get him to Western Hills.  She told me he had been in there for a long time and she heard a loud bump a little earlier.  Knowing she was scared I told her to keep me on the line while she went to look and to be sure to come back to the phone even if he had fallen.  If only she could use her cordless phone that she assured me she didn’t have…I asked her not to try to help him up but to come back to the phone and tell me and call 911.

What else could happen before I could get him to the nursing home?  Would she remember that I was on the phone?  Was Daddy OK?

Start at the beginning…

On to Chapter 4 >>>

CHAPTER 2

Bear in mind that we are going to put Daddy in the nursing home and bring Mother home to live for awhile with me and JR.  Little did I know what was in store for my future!  It had taken months of carefully planned guilt trips to coerce JR into suggesting that we bring her home to stay with us.

My brother, Quentin, picked me up early on that Friday morning in mid-May and we headed for Brownwood.  My other brother, Ric, had a conflict and couldn’t be there, he was planning on coming the next weekend.  I assured him that we would stay in touch by phone to let him know how things were progressing.

On our three hour trip Quentin and I had lots to discuss and we were both apprehensive about the day.  As usual…nothing is simple for our family as there is always some kind of chaotic situation.

We were not even to Mineral Wells when Quentin received a call from the daycare that his little granddaughter, Riley, attends each day.  Riley, who is not quite two…was involved in a biting situation that day at school.  Amid his phone calls back and forth to my sister-in-law, Susan,  I was contemplating the situation with Mother and Daddy and all the events leading up to this day.

I remembered the long days in 1998 when Daddy had a terrible fall and was sent by CareFlight to Baylor Hospital in Dallas where he spent a month recovering from head injuries.

Mother had a bad fall in 2010 just after Mother’s Day when she fell hitting her head on the corner of her desk.  She had lain in the floor all night before being able to get up and make it to the kitchen table.

Daddy was already in bed at the time and didn’t even miss her.  I’m not sure where he thought she was…but he didn’t bother to inquire.  It was a mystery to me since he gets up numerous times during the night to go to the bathroom.  Would he not notice the woman he’s spent the last 60+ plus years with is missing?

Quentin and I had made the same trip almost a year before…going to Brownwood to see about them. On that trip I had cooked enough food so that Mother would have at least one good meal for them each day for a month.  Quentin cleaned the blood from the carpet in the bedroom where she fell.  Ric and Linda had followed the next weekend with more food and spent the weekend doing chores around the house and yard.

Quentin and I focused our attention inside the house where he went ahead to shampoo all their carpet and I re-organized Mother’s office.  She had complained for months that she couldn’t find anything in there and was having trouble keeping up with their utility bills.  I made files for each month so she could just stick her bills in a folder.  The house didn’t need much attention but I threw away lots of old mail and paper in her office.

She had mentioned several times that she would never get caught up on their ironing.  Which bothered me…what was she talking about…ironing?  Who irons anything …ever…if you can help it?  I haven’t seen my iron in months…it maybe sees the light of day around my house 2 or 3 times a year!  Just how much ironing could two elderly people have?

While I was there I found her ironing basket which was piled high with clothes.  I showed her how to put them in the dryer with a damp towel…smooth them out on the bed and hang them up so that she didn’t need to iron at all.  I thought she took it all in and this would not be a problem.

Throughout the next year she continued to tell me how much she had to iron.  She didn’t have any short term memory.  She would ask a question and a few minutes after you answered she would ask the same question again.  She had asked me for recipes for a quite some time, telling me she was tired of cooking the same things over and over and that she couldn’t think of what to cook.  I, in my ignorance and denial, attributed all this to her fall.

She started really having trouble with Daddy.  He fell often at home…he sat in his recliner for hours…it would take him forever to shower and get dressed.  They had home healthcare at times…I found the phone number and was able to arrange for them to start coming again.  There were many services that would help them with housework…driving…shopping.  I became friends with their home health caseworker who was very concerned and called me several times throughout last year wanting to know more about how she could assist them and helping me to find available services for their care.

Mother would tell me during our phone calls at night how “busy” she had been during the day!  When I asked she told me…”You can’t imagine this house …it is crazy…people in and out all day long.  I can’t get anything done!”

What in the world was this nutty little woman talking about?  I asked who was coming to see them.  Her reply was that she didn’t know who they were!  She told me they would just come in and sit in the living room and talk.

I asked, “About what?”

Her reply, “Not much!”

She starting complaining about having to try to get Daddy up and dressed before “those people” starting coming each day.  It progressed to “I hate those people coming to our house.  I wish they would leave us alone.”

She did not listen and would not entertain the thought of just leaving Daddy in bed and letting them come early in the morning to help him shower and dress.  She would tell them to come in the late afternoon so she would have time to make sure he was ready and the house was clean.  She told the other services that she didn’t need their help and not to come back!

But the real trouble began when she told me that someone had come to their door and Daddy had let them in the house.  Then a few days later she told me that she woke up and there was a strange vacuum cleaner in her bedroom and she had no idea where it came from!

Oh, heaven help me!  These naive uncooperative old people…now hallucinating…what is going on?

Did you miss Chapter 1?

On to Chapter 3 >>>

Chapter 1

Things have been a little hectic in my home since the middle of May.  There has not been time for writing or even knowing if I would write about my situation.  But I’ve decided that I need to do this …for me…and for anyone else out there in a similar situation.

Before I start you should remember that I love to laugh!  So don’t ever be offended by my words or think that I have an uncaring heart…I choose to see the humor!  I learned this from my parents…who both loved to laugh and found humor in many situations throughout their lives.

It has been obvious for quite some time that my parents needed help.  They were both getting older and just not able to care for themselves.  However, with these two…giving help and receiving help were two very different things.  They are both givers…not receivers.  My Daddy was very likeable with many friends.  He loved his family and was such a special daddy.  He was very kindhearted and would help and do anything for someone else…but nonetheless a hard-headed and stubborn “Dudley”.

My mother an only child…used to having things her own way and doing what she wanted.  Now don’t get me wrong…she is a wonderful and special person.  She would go without to help others…she is an exceptional parent…she is a sweetheart!  She has a sharp sense of humor and she is the one who taught me to laugh.  We have had many fun times together throughout the years.

But times have changed and now it is my time to take care of her…and she doesn’t like it one bit!  This little woman is determined…and not going down without a fight.  She is headstrong and I know that God is paying me back for some past indiscretion…with 88 pounds of hard-headedness!

Over the past two to three years there have been signs that all was not well…and in my ignorance I missed them or maybe it was my subconscious denial and I just didn’t choose to acknowledge their existence.  However, Mother and Daddy needed help long before my brothers and I stepped in to make decisions in their behalf.  During these past few months I have to remind myself that at least we allowed them to live life the way they chose and we gave them that independence they were determined not to give up.

Although I didn’t see them often…I called them almost every night.  Mother and I would spend hours on the phone.  Daddy would occasionally talk to me sometimes for a few minutes but would then turn the phone over to Mother.

We have celebrated holidays at my house for years…usually with family and a few friends.  It was easier for Mother and Daddy to drive up here to visit and they always were ready to come see us.  My three kids and grandkids all live within 50 miles of me and my brother and his family live in the DFW area close by their three kids and grandchild.  Over the years there have been many times Mother and Daddy have come to visit for some special occasion.  My other brother and sister-in-law live in the Waco area and Mother and Daddy would go there to visit them at times.

In the past two years Daddy had become quite feeble and he would fall at home and had problems walking.  He was a big man…over six feet tall.  Mother is tiny…5′ 2″ and she weighs a scant 88 pounds.  They had many episodes of him falling at home and not being able to get up.  Mother would not call 911 and she would try to help him.  One day when he fell in the front yard and as she was trying to help him up she fell on top of him.  Oh…to be their neighbors or driving by their house…I shudder to think what others might have seen…much less what they were thinking if they did see!  Two old people rolling around in the yard…were they fighting or God only knows what?

The end of the second week in May my brother, Quentin, and I… with the blessings of my other brother, Ric… made the trip to Brownwood where my parents lived and took Daddy to the nursing home in Comanche where my mom wanted him to go…she thought that he might know some of his old friends there and would be more comfortable in familiar surroundings. Mother had wanted to live in Comanche for years…they still drove to Comanche from Brownwood to go to church and Mother played Bridge a couple of times a month with her longtime Bridge Club friends.  I convinced her to stay with me for awhile and told her truthfully that I would work on finding her a place to live in Comanche so she could be close to Daddy.

This saga will continue…as I tell you about convincing Mother to let us come and help and all the events leading up to the intervention…stay tuned…

Leah

>>> On to Chapter 2

     

To my sweet Daddy…

I’ve always thought I would consider myself a success in life if I were able to be the kind of parent to my children as you were to me.  Thank you for all the sacrifices, time, and most of all your love.  You made growing up on the ranch so much fun and I cherish with all of my heart my childhood.  You were a wonderful parent and Granddaddy. I will miss your smile and your delightful sense of humor!  I love you so much and am so blessed to be your favorite daughter!

Charles Lane (Duck) Dudley, age 82, of Brownwood, passed away Friday, June 10, 2011, at Comanche County Medical Center.  He was born October 5, 1928 in Comanche to Sutton and Myra Dudley.  Charles married Dotty Dudley on August 20, 1949.

Charles was a rancher during most of his married life and a Realtor in his later years.  He was a member of the First United Methodist Church of Comanche where he served on many committees and worked with the youth.  He taught the high school Sunday School class for many years and was a member of the Burton Bible Class.  He served as President of the Brownwood Board of Realtors in 1981.

He is survived by his wife, of 62 years, Dotty Dudley.  His daughter, Leah Dudley, of Decatur, son, Quentin Dudley and wife, Susan, of Garland, son, Ric Dudley and wife, Linda, of Lorena.  His brother, Bob Dudley and wife Kay of Comanche.  Grandchildren, Jason Renshaw and wife Michele of McKinney, Amanda Renshaw of McKinney, Jenna Renshaw of Ponder, Lane Dudley of Nashville TN, Tricia Dudley of Garland, and Ann Dudley of San Marcos.  Great grandchildren, Shelby Fleming of Ponder, Sarah Grace Renshaw, Megan Michele Renshaw and Shayla Renshaw-Pride of McKinney, and Riley Dudley of Garland, nieces Kelly Hughes, Gigi Dudley, and Jo Lane Chick and many friends.  He was preceded in death by his brother, Bill Dudley.

A memorial service will be held June 28 at 2 P.M. at the First United Methodist Church in Comanche.  Visitation will follow the service in the fellowship hall at the church.